Recently, I had a conversation about “HUGS”; which caused me to delve deeper into this action. I found it interesting how some people need and crave hugs, while others try to run away from them. Which person are you?
Hugs mean different things to different people. Your situation, culture, background, gender, comfort level, abuses experienced, coping skills, relationships and more may play a part to some degree with how you handle hugs.
What do you think of when you think of hugs? Possible thoughts about hugs might be warmth, fear, grief, lack of, too much, not enough, “get away from me” or “this is the best place to be”. Can you picture any of the above reactions in your mind?
Consider if you are the one who is giving or receiving hugs, is there a difference? Not all hugs are reciprocated or wanted. I remember being hugged during a funeral of a family member and at that moment, that was the last thing I wanted. A hug caused me to break down and let my guard down at a time when I wanted to be in control emotionally.
I know the intention of that person was coming from a good spot of caring. They had no idea I would react that way, nor did I.
Sometimes, hugs are just hugs or going through the motions without feelings. The best hugs, in my opinion are the hugs that say I care, I am here for you and come from the heart with love and acceptance that goes both ways between those who are hugging.
Perhaps we can say, “Excuses are just that, EXCUSES! I wasn’t raised to give hugs. I do not like to give hugs or I’m too old for hugs.” You add your own excuses, if need be, but STOP! You are in charge of you and can create change in your life if you choose to do so.
Try hugging someone you care about and then hug some more.
BUT, do you ask for permission first? What about as mentioned above, someone does not want to be hugged.
Another scenario is when someone has not received a hug in decades, from anyone. Hmmm, I feel this is a loss in a few ways for them. A loss of physical touch is what we all need to thrive and do we feel worthy enough to have someone hug us? Maybe, this person feels no one cares enough to give them a hug—sad to know this happens.
Have I caused you to think differently about HUGS?
Who is the first person you are going to HUG?
All my best,
Barbara Gillett Saunders
Grief Counsellor/Thanatologist