When talking about Alzheimer’s disease there are a few components that come to mind. Some of these components may be associated with other diseases and losses. If this is hereditary does that mean I will get it, what do I say to the individual, and what do I say to the family?
I broach this subject after visiting a few family members, one of whom has Alzheimer’s. Yes, this is hereditary and has touched several family members and generations. What do you say?… Phhhh, that is a BIG question.
To the care givers I offer support and a willingness to visit the person in the care facility with them or alone. I encourage self-care for the caregivers. Just being there with family is a way of supporting them. No words are necessary.
I noticed the smile on my cousin’s face when I said I was going to the nursing home with my aunt for a visit. I wonder, does this mean they are not alone? Does this send a message of I still care and I’m not afraid to accept the lot life has dished out for them? When I say afraid, there is a connotation that I know this could happen to someone else I care about and has in the past.
The aloneness felt by the family is immense. Seeing a family member who is not as they used to be and remembering them growing up is sad. “But”, one thing that I saw in the Alzheimer person, was the twinkle in his eyes, the tender childlike smile on his face and the gentle way he pulled me through the hall ways.
I sense he knew the heart felt connections without really knowing who I was.
Perhaps, this is part of your loss story and if so, I understand.
On the flip side of the coin is the part where we know someone has this illness and we do nothing. Yep, we know we could visit but wonder if it will make a difference and to whom.
Perhaps, going for a visit is in our thoughts, but our life gets too busy— or so we tell ourselves and time passes without a visit to the person or persons we once cared deeply about. Could guilt, regret and shame be a part of our story now as we technically dismiss this person affected by Alzheimer?
This is your loss journey too, no matter how you are affected by your choices made or not made.
All my best,
Barbara Gillett Saunders
Grief Counsellor/Thanatologist