Are you a widow (female) or a widower (male)? The loss experience may be similar but different for each role. After the loss of a partner, life is forever changed. The first year may be full of new and difficult experiences as you cope with new roles and manage to take care of all the “to do” things that you were not responsible for before, including funeral and legal duties.
For some people grieving is done by doing something, being active in a hobby, sport etc. or keeping busy with work. The act of doing can help to release the emotions, feelings and stress associated with the heaviness of grief. I add a caution here…DO NOT BE TOO BUSY TO FEEL EMOTIONS!
I want to add another factor that affects partners with younger children. As a parent you are trying to grieve the death loss of your partner and have to be attentive to your children the best you can. In some case there may be supportive people to help manage daily life for a while and then they are gone tending to their own lives.
Then there are those who have no supports. The parent worries about themselves, the children, finances, etc. at a time when they have no mental, emotional or physical reserves to cope with life.
Reality is this was not the plan any of you had in mind when connected with your partners; life without them.
The second year, you may have thought “how did I make it this far” or say “I thought I would feel better by now.” The amount of time and thought given to adjusting to a different life without your partner may also act as a way of keep you preoccupied and reducing the time and thought spent looking at grief and sadness.
I know there is grief and sadness with loss, but don’t be surprised if your mind starts to delve deeper into the sadness as you become more adjusted to your life as it is now; sharing your story may help with the grieving process.
I have provided a few resources to consider as you move forward in life. Remember, there might be five steps forward and three steps back but the forward movement is there, provided you choose to take the steps, one at a time
Websites that may offer resources for your situation
“The Hummingbird Centre for Hope” A place for men and women who are widowed and have children. Programs for families and parent are offered.
“The National Widowers’ Organization”
All my best,
Barbara Gillett Saunders
Grief Counsellor/Thanatologist