I know life is difficult. I know life can be full of surprises; some come with hopeful anticipation and others come when we least expect it.

Is life difficult because we have not figured out how to bend when the wind blows? Is life difficult because we cannot see it any other way? Is it possible; the more we focus on the toughness of life, the more toughness we get to experience?

I see many people struggling with a crisis or more. Life seems to be going in negative cycles for some people, with several predicaments happening at the same time. It must be difficult to live this way.

I know from my own experiences the closer I am to a situation, the more difficult it is to see a way out and hence, yes, it is difficult.

Can I or you make a difference when someone cannot see the forest for the trees? Sometimes, the answer is, yes, no and maybe. The individual in a difficult situation has to acknowledge there is a problem and then want to accept or seek help.

Help may only be accepted from certain individuals and not necessarily is that family or friends. Hmmm, now how difficult is it? What can you do?

Be supportive when needed and suggest other alternatives. Hmm, but who determines the “when needed”? Are alternative suggestions wanted or asked for?

I remember being told to as a teenager to consider other people’s suggestions and then make my own decisions based on the information provided to me. Sound advice from the grown up me perspective and I saw it that way as a teenager also. That was me, but how many people do this processing?

What if someone will not take the steps to help themselves?  It is hard to watch them struggle, but we can’t do it for them unless we keep enabling them and what will that prove?

• It proves that they do not have to stand on their own two feet.
• It proves that you do not want to see them hurting, because that hurts you.
• It proves that you know what is best for them…but do you?
• It proves that we do not trust them to make the “RIGHT” choices for themselves.

Do you get what I mean here.  We can go down a dark path with them and sit in the grief of loss of self in numerous ways. We can also stop their lessons in life.  Hmmm, maybe all of this is a test for us to see if we get the lesson and stop enabling.

There is a difference between giving a helping hand and doing it for someone else or enabling them.  Know the difference and when to step back for your own sanity and in the long run their personal growth. 

When life becomes difficult,

GRIEF can grab you in many ways.

All the best,

Barbara Gillett Saunders

Grief Counsellor/Thanatologist