Look around at your friends, neighbours, co-workers, family and for that matter look at yourself.  Now, do you know what is going on in their lives and how they are coping?  Is grief and loss a part of their lives now or was it in the past?  What might their loss story be about?  Do you see it written on their sleeve?  In most cases we do not see or know the story behind the person, the story may be buried deep inside.

Perhaps you see the results of what many call negative coping skills such as excessiveness with drinking, gambling, shopping, promiscuity, drug use and more.   Remember, what is their story?  When did the loss occur?  Who was there to be supportive of their journey or yours? 

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but to truly live life you have to FEEL.  Feeling the grief of a loss is work and difficult to do at times; it takes courage to move beyond what may now be an addiction masked as a coping skill. 

Professional counsellors who deal with grief and loss, along with addiction counsellors can see beyond or through the addiction mask to the hurt person who is there.  Now that I say this, when an individual is immersed in their negative coping pattern, they may not be aware this is what is going on, therefore not able to or willing to take steps to change how they are living their life.

Is this right or wrong?  Hmmm, we live our life according to what we choose to do and as a result others will make choices for their lives based on our decisions; with the possible results of relationships ending, being strained, unhealthy, no matter what the relationship is or with whom. 

How we cope is seen through the eyes of others; our children, spouses, parents, friends, neighbours etc.  We are responsible for how we cope with the burden’s life brings.  We teach the next generation how to cope.

HOW ARE YOU “REALLY” COPING with your losses? 

All my best,

Barbara Gillett Saunders

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net