Self-care and self-awareness go hand in hand when grief is a factor.  Consider the following;

• Pace yourself
• You have choices
• You are in charge of you
• If in doubt, don’t
• Ask for help
• Delegate responsibilities
• Ask for what you need
• Create balance over the holidays
• Is avoidance an option?  Perhaps for some
• It is okay to say “no” or decline an engagement
• It is okay to go for a while and leave when you need to
• It is okay to have some fun J
• Take control of how your day or holiday is going to be
• You can’t do it all and you do not have to do it all
• Sometimes, it is lonelier in a crowd than by yourself
  • Sometimes, you sense or feel people are avoiding you and in some cases they are.
  • Limit the amount of time you attend a function if you need to
  • Have a pajama day and stay at home if you need to

A component I have mentioned is YOU.  What is important to you? How can you make this holiday season the best it can be for you?

• Does this mean time alone or time with family and friends?
• Can you invite friends over to your home?
• Can you participate in small events even if they might be a first time without your loved one?  No matter how long the loss has been, the missing them is there.
• If you are a person who remembers what it was like when you first experienced your loss, perhaps you can help someone else get through this time.

Ask friends to be patient with you. Let them know this grief is new for you and you do not have it all figured out yet.  You may look good on the outside, but that is what we do…give the impression we are okay, but in all reality, we are still falling apart on the inside.

If you are a supportive person for a grieving individual, be honest and realistic with what you offer to do for someone or do with them.  Do not over promise and under perform.

“Sometimes, just knowing someone is there if you need them is enough”

All my best, 

Barbara Gillett Saunders

Grief Counsellor/Thanatologist