Have you ever wondered the special meaning “Good Bye” may have to someone when death is a focus of life? Who is saying “good bye”? How is “good bye” said? How hard is it to say “good bye” or is “good bye” necessary?
All of these questions can pose sadness, grief and heart ache. Imagine for a moment; you are the person dying and several people come to visit you. You know they have come to say good bye in their own special way. What does the good bye mean to you?
Hmmm, have I got you thinking? The good bye could bring a smile to your heart, knowing someone cares enough to come and see you before you die. Are there tears of sadness, perhaps? Are there memories shared, perhaps?
How many “good byes” do you have to say? No matter who you are, how many good byes would you have to or want to say, (if you had the opportunity) when the end of life is near?
Family, friends, coworkers and others in your life may come to say good bye or not!
Is it hard to do, telling someone good bye? I think so and perhaps this is one reason why some people never say their good byes; it is not because they do not care, it may be the fact they do not have the emotional strength to do so.
Age, relationship dynamics, distance away and not knowing someone is dying are all possible factors preventing a “good bye” from being said. Another possible reason is belief.
Spiritualism, religion and personal beliefs can put a different spin on a good bye. Do you believe death is a good bye? For some individuals it is relief and a time of joyous celebration.
There are occasions when a dying person waits longer than you thought they could. A family member or friend may be far way and needs more time to catch a plane to get to a dying person. I wonder if the attachment bonds of love are strong enough to cause someone, somehow or deep in their soul to know it is not time, yet! Hold onto life for a few more hours or days.
On the flip side, we might ask why didn’t the dying person hold on longer so a loved one could say their good byes. I do not know the answer. In some cases, questions are left unanswered for many people no matter if you are the dying individual or the one who lives on.
Is it really a “Good Bye?”
All my best,
Barbara Gillett Saunders
Grief Counsellor/Thanatologist