I believe no one escapes the experience of grief and loss. Loss can be experienced in many ways such as with;

• a death
• relationship ending,
• not seeing family for whatever reason
• job loss
• relocating/including immigrating to another country
• mental illness concerns and the list can continue.

Grief and loss experiences are unique to each individual and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. There are however, different components to grieving that can to be considered when looking at loss such as; age, culture, type of loss, sudden or traumatic death, role changes, family dynamics, subsequent loss scenarios, secondary losses and complicated grief to name a few.

Many people in our culture grieve, but they do not mourn. Instead of being encouraged to express their grief outwardly, they are often greeted with messages such as “carry on”, “keep your chin up,” and “keep busy.” This can result with a person grieving in isolation, instead of mourning outwardly in the presence of loving companions or friends. This is where people can get “STUCK” and unable to process their grief.

“Grief” is the internal or inward expression of loss such as thoughts and feelings; asking “WHY” questions and emotions of sorrow, sadness, fear, aloneness, and more. When a person is unable to share this with anyone there is a potential for them to shut down; get stuck.

“Mourning” is the outward expressions of grief people see such as crying, isolating self, and what clothing is worn. Historically people wore black in many countries, but not as often now. Sometimes, you may see grieving people who are not taking care of themselves or the complete opposite, where the person looks great.

You might ask, “What can I do to help someone or myself who is grieving”? One of the most important gifts you can give someone who is grieving is a listening ear without judgment. Seek other resources such as grief counsellors or support groups if needed, but realize not everyone needs additional resources to journey through grief; a friend is all you need.

You may also consider a person’s internal strength and courage to keep going, no matter what.

For some people, without them knowing it, they are an inspiration to others. One person shared how they kept moving forward after their significant loss by stating, “I put my one foot on the floor and I get out of bed”.  Another person said, “once I started moving forward, I didn’t know how to stop|”.

How do you see this journey of grief and loss? 

What do you do about it and how do you do it?

All the best,

Barbara Gillett Saunders

Grief Counsellor/Thanatologist