Do you ever wonder how much worrying goes into being “stuck”?

This comment comes to mind after reading a recent posting from a friend on Facebook; specific reference was made about people who worry about others and the fact the worrying belongs to the worrier.

I wonder if you are like me or am I similar to you in how we handle or don’t handle things.

When I am in the midst of my own stuff or being stuck in sadness or whatever the “problem” is, I don’t initially pay much attention to other people.  Call this being self absorbed, but I am certain others are the same way sometimes.  

Upon reflecting on this and the idea that someone might be worrying about me; bothers or causes me to be concerned.   I don’t initially think of the fact that the worrying is their process and not mine, …what can I do to stop them from worrying about me?  Really, I cannot make anyone be do anything!

A solution is to get better or change my perspective – provided the situation is conducive to this.  Easier said than done, especially if grief, loss and sadness are part of the reason for being stuck.  

Perhaps, an evaluation is needed as to why and for whom are the changes being made.  There is a long-standing thought, that if you are doing something for someone else’s benefit and not your own; it is not a good enough reason to change.  Sort of the alcoholic changing for their family and not themselves; it won’t work!

I wonder if being well or “unstuck” so someone else feels better is enough of a motivator for you or I to change how we react to our situation.  I can be stubborn and think feeling sad is a good spot to be in for now, hmmm… for as long as I want.

•       Sometimes, I don’t want to care about who is worrying about me.
•       Sometimes, knowing a certain person is concerned about me upsets me even more.  How about you?  Maybe they have too much on their plate already. 

I mentioned “enough of a motivator”, now I wonder who would be that important to me to cause me to think more of them than myself?  Would this be a:

• Child?
• Parent?
• Spouse?
• Partner?
• Friend?
• Co-worker
• Other family member or individual?

For that matter maybe it is a pet.

Food for thought…Who is your motivator? 

All my best,

Barbara

Barbara Gillett Saunders

Grief Counsellor/Thanatologist